The Hidden Truth
by gnos-revir
Summary: A strange mark has appeared on River's wrist. What does it mean for her and the Doctor?
1. Chapter 1

**I do not own Doctor Who.**

**This fic was written for Shannon because she was my beta...and I am sorry for any mistakes there are. I was incredibly sick while writing the majority of this. I hope you like it okay bye (:**

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The lights flickered in her cell as River Song shut the door of the TARDIS with a wide grin on her face. Oh what a night it had been! The Doctor had surprised her and taken her to Derillium to see the Singing Towers. She'd been begging him for ages and he'd finally given in. They'd eaten a picnic dinner under the stars on a grassy hill a little further from the Towers than she had hoped, but when the singing filled the air, she couldn't imagine a better place to be.

At first, she couldn't quite decide what it sounded like. Then, as she scooted closer to her love and leaned her head on his chest, she thought of something.

It was majestic and beautiful like nothing else was ever, or could ever be. It was a walk on the beach and candlelit dinner. It was fields of rich, green grass stretching over endless hills. It was the smell of the earth after a light summer rain. It was the sound of children laughing and singing with joy. It was the smile of a loved one on Christmas morning.

She smiled as his hand slid down her back and around her waist. For River Song, it was the sound of all her hopes and dreams, all of time and space at her feet and the Doctor-_her_Doctor- by her side.

River looked up at him and he smiled down at her with tears in his eyes.

"Doctor?" she sat up on her knees and placed a hand on his cheek. "What's wrong, sweetie?"

He wouldn't answer for a minute or two, but then he spoke.

"River, you are the most beautiful woman in all of time and space. And you're mine. I just- I just can't picture my life without you in it. I love you so, so much, my love. You know that, right?"

His hand reached up to her's on his face and pulled it into his lap, stroking it gently.

Tears filled her eyes as well and she kissed him, with all the love and devotion of the whole of reality.

When at last they broke apart, she pressed her forehead to his and whispered, "Always, my love. Always."

They lay in each others arms for an eternity as the song of the universe played on.

Eventually, the Singing Towers faded away and the Doctor scooped her off her feet and carried her to the TARDIS, kissing her once for each step he took.

The night slowly turned into day and the TARDIS's artificial sun rose to find clothes flung carelessly around the room and a sleeping couple, holding one another as if the universe depended on them never breaking skin contact.

River set down her pen and closed her diary.

The smile had not left her face since the TARDIS had disappeared again and left her alone in her cell.

She slid the blue book in its place under her pillow and stood to ready herself for the day.

As she dressed and fought with her hair, she noticed something odd. Her left wrist had a mark on it. Just a dark green line running horizontally about a fourth of an inch long. She contemplated it for a minute but brushed it off and went about her business.

Today she left for her hearing. With any luck, in a few hours, she'd be a free woman, thanks to the work she had done at the Byzantium all those months ago. Then maybe she could surprise him and they could travel the universe together for the first time.

As she strapped on her Vortex Manipulator, she again noticed the little green mark. But it had gotten a little bigger, she thought. "No, that's silly. It hasn't gotten bigger. It's just a little mark."

Again she brushed it off and stepped up to the cell door as the prison guards came to escort her to her hearing.


	2. Chapter 2

**I do not own Doctor Who.**

**This fic was written for Shannon because she was my beta...and I am sorry for any mistakes there are. I was incredibly sick while writing the majority of this. I hope you like it okay bye (:**

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River appeared out of nowhere in a long corridor lined with bookshelves and display cases, her vortex manipulator sparking as she walked quickly for the last door on the left.

She pulled it off her wrist and tucked it in her boot, straitening her dress shirt and patting her mane of curls.

She opened the door and entered a filled amphitheater, just large enough for a hundred people to fit, and walked calmly and gracefully down the steps to the stage.

The room grew quiet as every person spotted her and bowed their heads in respect.

River paid no attention to the reaction they gave. It happened every day and she found if she let herself notice it, it did nothing but upset her.

She didn't deserve any of the praises she'd been receiving since she won her pardon. A pardon was all she'd asked for and all she'd deserved. The clerics, however, believed she'd done some great act in addition to helping them with the Weeping Angels and had been writing songs of her bravery and goodness every since.

As she reached the stage, she crossed to the desk and pulled out an old brown leather book.

All eyes in the room were on her.

She slipped on a pair of reading glasses and sighed, finally looking up at her audience.

"Alright, class. It's time to stop gawking and pull out our books. Today's lecture is on page 653 of your Ancient Cultures of the Traxiforn text book."

The class pulled out their books and small quiet chatter filled the room.

Every one of Professor River Song's students was wondering why she stayed on at the university to teach if she could be doing anything and everything she ever dreamed of.

The answer, of course, was that she already had.

"Now, the Traxiforn had a fascinating monetary system. It was, and still is, one of the best conceptually since the dawn of time. -"

River sat at her desk grading papers. She loved teaching with all her heart, but grading assignments was not something she particularly enjoyed.

As she wrote the final score at the top of one of the papers, her sleeve fell away from her wrist and she paused her writing for a moment to run her fingers along the dark green mark she'd noticed a few weeks before.

It had steadily grown a little longer over time. At first, she thought she was going crazy, but then she'd measured and realized how rapidly it's size was increasing.

Even now, it had grown since the last time she'd looked. It wrapped nearly all the way around her wrist.

The door to her classroom opened and interrupted her thoughts. Quickly River pulled her sleeve back into it's place and continued grading.

A tall thick man in a black suit and dark glasses entered and walked down the stairs towards her.

River pretended not to care much, but secretly sized him up and down, just in case.

"Professor Song." he said. His voice was deep and dangerous.

Still River didn't look up.

"Yes? How can I help you?"

As she flipped to the next assignment, the man placed a hand over the page, forcing her to look up at him.

She sighed and leaned back in her chair.

"Can I help you? I've really got a lot of work to do and-"

A knife emerged from his sleeve and the tip slammed into her desk.

River stood calmly.

"I don't know who you are or what you think you're doing, but you have most definitely overstepped your bounds. Leave now and I won't hurt you."

The man laughed, obviously certain she was bluffing.

She rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. They were all the same. How could a small woman ever hurt a man the size of a tree?

"I'll give you to the count of three. One-"

"You'd better run, sir."

River looked up towards the door.

"Sheldon what are you doing here?" she asked, not wanting him to get caught in the crossfire. He was her best student.

"I had a question about-"

The man pried his knife out of her desk and wielded it threateningly.

"Two-" River continued, scratching her arm casually.

"Professor watch out!" Sheldon cried as the man lunged suddenly, but River had already side stepped nimbly and the much larger man nearly lost his balance.

She walked away from the man and towards the end of the stage where Sheldon was standing. When she reached center stage she felt the man's footsteps behind her and she turned, annoyed.

"Seriously, now. Why are you here? To kill me? Alright. Come here. I'll give you a head-start. Pick your poison. Neck from the front, neck from behind, abdomen, back...Well come on! Don't be shy. I don't give head starts very often."

The man looked confused but came up and took his position of choice. Sheldon looked terrified as he took her by the hair, pulling her head roughly back against his shoulder and pressing the blade against her throat.

River smiled.

"Alright, now, are you sure about this?" she asked him.

"Yes. I'm sure. It's been a pleasure, Professor Song."

The instant his knife hand tensed, River's hands shot up and grabbed his wrist. In one fluid blur of motion, she was out of his grasp and had his arm twisted painfully behind him, the knife point pressing into his side.

"Now are you listening to me?" she asked, exerting no effort in holding him in place.

He nodded and grit his teeth, pained.

"Good. Go back to whoever you're working for and tell them to come try it themselves next time." she whispered in his ear. She raised her knee and brought her foot down on the outside of his, buckling his leg inward and, no doubt, snapping a few tendons.

She let go of him as he fell to the ground, crying out with pain and cursing her.

River ignored him and walked over to Sheldon. His eyes were the size of baseballs as he watched his Professor and mentor with a knife at her throat, disarm a man easily twice her size and break his leg as if he was a toy.

She was incredible.

The man pressed a button on his watch and disappeared in a flash of light.

"Sorry about that. They never stop coming. Maybe this time they'll stay away. Now what was it you needed, Sheldon?"


	3. Chapter 3

**I do not own Doctor Who.**

**This fic was written for Shannon because she was my beta...and I am sorry for any mistakes there are. I was incredibly sick while writing the majority of this. I hope you like it okay bye (:**

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With her students' finals approaching quickly, River's office hours at the university were extended so the students could come in with any questions. Most of those hours, only Sheldon was present. He was by far her hardest working and most dedicated student. Ever since he had joined her class, they had become friends. Now, after almost a year of classes and extra hours, they had become quite the team.

One rainy afternoon, River sat alone in her classroom, fingering the ring on her left ring finger and thinking about a certain man in a bow tie. It had been almost three months since she'd seen him last. _I wonder where he's got off to this time... _she thought.

The classroom door opened and she glanced up to see Sheldon staring at her. She smiled and greeted him warmly. He approached warily with a timid look on his face.

"Sheldon? Are you alright?" she asked, crossing to him.

He backed up a step and she stopped.

"Sheldon?"

"Professor...I heard a terrible rumor about you." he said, still eyeing her.

"What rumor?" she asked curiously.

"Well...Everyone is saying...That you killed someone. Someone good. Is that true?" his eyes were overflowing with hurtful tears as he confronted her about her past.

"Let's sit down. I'd be glad to explain a few things."

She led him to a chair and sat next to him.

"How much do you know about me?"

"Well, not much aside from what the clerics say."

She bristled and took a breath, forcing the tone of her voice to remain even.

"The clerics are fools. This is a long and complicated story and we don't have much time before class so I'm just going to sum it up for you. When I was a baby, some really bad people kidnapped me to brainwash me into their own personal weapon. They had me kill many people, completely out of my control. Each time, the brainwashing would take over and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't stop it. Eventually, I understood enough to realize they had something bigger planned for me to do. All the random errands and crimes they sent me to do were just practice runs. The real target was a wonderful man. The best man in the whole of time and space."

"Professor...They were saying...was it the Doctor?"

River blinked away the tears in her eyes.

"When I first met him, the Doctor, he knew everything about me. It was frightening, really. I fell in love with him, and he with me. I saved his life, and he saved mine. He freed me from their grasp and enabled me to come here and study, or so I thought. One night I was studying late and they came for me. I couldn't remember who they were until they grabbed me and forced me inside a suit. That's the last thing I remember. I woke up underwater and the suit rose to the surface out of my control. It walked up the beach to the Doctor, and I shot him stone dead."

She looked down at her hands, subconsciously toying with her ring again. Oh how she missed him!

"Professor...I'm sorry. I-"

She smiled and looked up.

"It's alright. I had no control. He knew it was me and he knew it had to happen. It was a fixed point in time."

"But if you loved each other, why didn't you stay together? Why were you alone studying that night?" Sheldon asked, timidly, sensing a connection more than she had explained.

"Oh, don't worry about that! All that matters is you pass finals, young man!" she said teasingly, tousling his hair. "Did you have a question for me?"

There was a sound. An impossible sound.

River gasped and stood, turning towards the door.

"Professor what-"

"RIVER!"

A man with floppy brown hair tucked under a fez entered the room, smiling mischievously and racing towards her.

"Hello sweetie!"

She couldn't hide her grin as he approached.

"Miss me?"

She sent him a dangerous glare. "Oh shut up, you. You're late!"

He sent her a false frown as he slid his arms around her waist and spun her around, causing her to laugh a little and slap his arm playfully.

He set her down and was about to kiss her, but just before their lips met, River remembered Sheldon and held a finger to his lips.

"Sheldon, I'd like you to meet the Doctor." she smiled.

His eyes grew wide and he stood. "But you said he..you said he was dead!"

"Hi! Nice to meet you. I am dead! Well...I was. Well...It wasn't me...Well it WAS me but I was inside of me... I-" he trailed off as he saw the look on his wife's face.

"He was inside a Tesalector of himself. That's how he escaped." she said.

The Doctor smiled proudly and Sheldon's look turned into awe.

"Brilliant, he is. But he didn't think to tell me about it first so I ended up letting time rip itself apart to save him until he _finally _told me his plan."

"It was a beautiful wedding, wasn't it?" the Doctor asked, smiling again. "OH! That reminds me! Don't go anywhere, River. I'll be right back!"

He raced up the stairs to the TARDIS as River's laugh echoed through the room.

Sheldon's mouth hung open.

"You married _him_?! Professor how could I not- It makes total sense now! I mean there's no other way for it- What with the lazimi and all. This explains so much!"

"Sheldon calm down!" River laughed. "What lazimi?"

Instead of speaking, he grabbed her left wrist and slid the sleeve up, revealing two dark green rings around her wrist. Her smile faltered. How had he known?

"This lazimi. It makes perfect sense. You married a Timelord. Are you...Are you a Timelady?"

Her smile faded completely.

He took that as a yes and quickly began to back-peddle.

"I have to get to class." he said, a hint of depression in his voice, as if something disappointing just happened.

He picked up his bag quickly and left her standing there, clueless.

The Doctor returned seconds later.

"Good! You're alone! I want to show you something!" he said, cheerfully.

His presence improved her mood considerable and a smile returned to her eyes as he held out his hand for her. She took it and music began to play.

"I learned a new dance! I wanted to show you first." he explained proudly, pulling her in close and leading her around the stage.

They laughed and talked for a few minutes as the music played and they spun around the floor. It was so good to have him back! She hadn't seen him in months. As they talked, the lazimi kept nudging her mind. Maybe the Doctor knew what it was.

"Sweetie, what's a lazimi?"

He stopped dead in his tracks. She could feel his hearts quicken next to hers.

"River-"

"I just heard the term today and I didn't know what it was until a student showed me and I just wondered if-"

Suddenly he grabbed her left wrist and pulled her sleeve up.

She watched the color drain from his face when he saw the rings. Sweat beaded his forehead and tears were beginning to form in his eyes. He forced himself to look away from it and he met her eyes, desperate for hope he asked, "River...River what is this?...Please...Say it's some sort of a joke."


	4. Chapter 4

**I do not own Doctor Who.**

**This fic was written for Shannon because she was my beta...and I am sorry for any mistakes there are. I was incredibly sick while writing the majority of this. I hope you like it okay bye (:**

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The Doctor hadn't said anything since his initial reaction to the Lazimi. He paced back and forth across the stage, muttering absolute nonsense as River stood where he had left her, sleeve still pulled back. She didn't know what to think or how to react. She had absolutely no clue what was happening.

"Doctor? What's going on? What is this?" she asked finally, running her fingers along the marks. He stopped pacing and grabbed her hand, pulling her toward the classroom door and the TARDIS. She resisted.

"You tell me right now, Doctor, or I swear I'll blow that fez right off your head and that bow tie will be next." she threatened seriously, sick of not getting a strait answer.

He swallowed and then let go of her.

"I think maybe we had better do diaries first."

She nodded, realizing the wisdom in it. As they talked, she realized this Doctor was fresh from Area 51. It had only been a week or two. River cried a little inside. She was glad he at least knew who she really was, but he wasn't _her_ Doctor quite yet.

"When did you first notice that?" he asked, gesturing to her wrist where her fingers subconsciously danced.

"Just after you dropped me off last time I saw you, in your future. What is it?"

"Lazimi, River. The mark. You've got the mark which can only mean I- Oh my God...Last time you saw me. What happened? Where did we go?" his face was pale as he spoke and something told her it was important for her to tell him exactly what they'd done.

"Well, you came to get me from my cell and we went to the Singing Towers. You said-" She stopped. A tear had escaped and rolled down his cheek. "Sweetie?"

He said nothing. Just stared at her for a moment before pulling her into his arms and hugging her to him as tightly as he could.

"I love you, River." he said, kissing her head.

"I love you, too, you know that, but I still don't understand...What is going on?"

"I don't know yet. I need to think." he said, pulling away and pacing again.

She sat down heavily, not feeling at all like herself, and pressed a finger to each temple. Something was definitely off lately. She couldn't focus on anything.

She was startled as she felt a hand slide across her back and she looked up into his eyes.

"Are you alright?"

She sighed and brushed off the headache that was starting in the back of her head. "Yes. I'm fine. Have you got it worked out?"

He led her to her feet and held her again.

"I'm afraid we're going to have to have a serious discussion. There's only one way you could have the mark, and that is if I gave it to you, and there's only one reason why I would do that."

She pulled back and looked at him, surprised.

"You _gave_ it to me? What does that mean? Why would you _give_ it to me?"

"Probably to give myself a proper warning, should I see a version of you with it. I never know which you I'm going to get when I come, so it would make sense. That's the only reason why I can think of..."

It was making a bit more sense now that he put it that way. But why was it a warning? What was there to be warned about?

"Alright, I'm starting to see now. But what is it a mark of? What is it supposed to warn you about? Why do I need a mark?"

His face grew sad and his eyes fought tears as he spoke.

"It's a warning to tell me that you're...that I...Its the mark of the dying." he said sadly. "It's to warn me that I'm running out of time."


	5. Chapter 5

**I do not own Doctor Who.**

**This fic was written for Shannon because she was my beta...and I am sorry for any mistakes there are. I was incredibly sick while writing the majority of this. I hope you like it okay bye (:**

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River shook her head firmly, confident that he was wrong.

"No, I'm not. I'm not dying. I'm fine, my love. Come here." she took a hand and placed it on one heart, letting him feel it's strong pulsing, then moving to the other for more of the same.

"See?"

He looked a little less white, but she could tell he was still bothered.

"I gave you that for a reason. I have to think. I have to-" he stopped and again pulled her toward the TARDIS. This time, River didn't resist.

Once in the console room, the Doctor carefully settled her on the couch, earning probably the biggest eye roll in history. He ignored it and began to send the TARDIS into the time vortex.

"Alright, sweetie. Where are we going?" she asked, standing and joining him at the scanner once they had stopped moving.

"Nowhere. We're staying right here until we've figured this out." He pulled a lever and an opening appeared in the console. "Here. Put your left arm in there."

River hesitated but obeyed when she felt his left hand in her right.

The TARDIS whirred for a few seconds before growing silent.

Without letting go of River's hand, the Doctor fiddled with the knobs on the scanner, his eyebrows knitting closer and closer together the longer he had to fiddle.

He cursed under his breath and hit the side of the scanner.

"What's wrong?" River asked.

"She won't tell me anything." He was almost in tears.

"Shhh," she comforted, planting a soft kiss on his lips. "Let me try."

She dropped his hand and pulled the scanner in front of her. Twisting the knobs and pulling levers on the console itself, a sound filled the room.

"What is that? What did you do?!" the Doctor asked, alarmed.

"Hush, now. She's trying to speak to me."

His eyebrows raised in surprise. Of course River could understand the TARDIS. She was the child of the TARDIS. He watched closely as River's slender fingers pressed into the console and her eyes shut.

As the minutes crept by, the Doctor began to worry. River hadn't moved. What could be taking so long?

At last River took in a breath of air and opened her eyes. Turning toward him, she smiled cheekily.

"What? What did she say?"

River laughed. "She told me you can relax now. According to her information grid, this lazimi won't mean much for another six months."

"Oh, I-"

"And then she suggested a new room for the two of us..." she hinted, raising an eyebrow.

He stopped at once and fought a smile.

"She said to tell you there would be plenty of hats. Only hats."

He raised his eyebrows and let out a small chuckle.

"Well, I suppose we have time for just a bit of exploring..." he said, justifying the delay in solving the problem at hand.

They chased one another down the corridors, laughing and pausing only for the occasional kiss, until they reached an old wooden door.

"This is it." River said, just before his lips met hers again. He had one hand on the back of her neck and the other was snaking it's way towards her pant line.

He pressed her against the door as she reached for the handle. She paused as she tasted his kiss before sending the door flying open.

The room was dark as they stumbled over the threshold.

They were too busy to hear the quiet hum of the TARDIS as two tiny nanobugs scuttled across the floor toward the couple.

They each felt the bite break their skin through their clothing and cried out as a wave of electricity shot through them, rendering them completely unconscious.

The TARDIS filled the room with light and observed her two beloved friends.

She would have her way this time.


	6. Chapter 6

**I do not own Doctor Who.**

**This fic was written for Shannon because she was my beta...and I am sorry for any mistakes there are. I was incredibly sick while writing the majority of this. I hope you like it okay bye (:**

* * *

The Doctor stirred and groaned.

"What the hell happened?" he slurred, opening his eyes and blinking away the blur.

It was another minute before he realized how quiet it was.

Suddenly the pounding in his head and the ache in his muscles wasn't important. He shot to his feet.

"RIVER?! River where are you?!" he shouted as it hit him that his wife was nowhere to be found.

"Don't get all worked up, sweetie. I'm right here." River said as she stumbled out of a side corridor he hadn't noticed. She leaned weakly on the door frame, ghostly white. Even from where he was standing he could see her trembling.

He ran to her side and supported her and she leaned on him heavily, grateful for his steady hands.

"Are you alright?" he asked, worried.

She nodded.

"What happened?" he questioned, to no one in particular.

"I think it was the TARDIS." River answered. "I'm not sure what or why, but she has something to do with this."

The Doctor began to lead her towards the console room. After about ten yards, she stopped and covered her mouth, swaying. He steadied her and placed a hand on the side of her face, silently waiting for something, anything to tell him she was alright.

Her breath was shakey and she shut her eyes tightly, resisting the urge to be sick. The feeling passed after a few seconds and she opened her eyes.

His were glued on hers and she sighed, aware of his worry.

"I'm alright. Just dizzy." As she spoke, her knees gave out and the Doctor caught her, lifting her into his arms and gently carrying her the rest of the way to the console room.

"Alright. You stay sitting." the Doctor ordered, setting her on the couch. She didn't protest and, instead, lifted her sleave to examine the swollen red bite.

The Doctor rubbed his own bite over his sleave as he began to pace.

"What was that for, old girl? That wasn't very nice. You've made River really sick!"

The TARDIS groaned in reply and the Doctor looked to River for a translation.

She smiled and said, "She says it had to happen. But she refuses to say anything beyond that."

"That's very rude!" he shouted to the air.

River laughed and slid off the couch, coming to stand by him.

"Its alright, my love. She always knows what we need. I'm sure whatever it is, it's important."

He sighed and took her hand.

"Come on, you. You need a doctor and this Doctor says you need some rest."

The TARDIS graciously moved their room directly off the console and the Doctor tucked River into bed.

"Sleep, my love." he whispered as he planted a kiss to her temple.

"We will figure this out tomorrow."


	7. Chapter 7

**I do not own Doctor Who.**

**This fic was written for Shannon because she was my beta...and I am sorry for any mistakes there are. I was incredibly sick while writing the majority of this. I hope you like it okay bye (:**

* * *

River did not sleep peacefully.

Her dreams were confused and muddled and several times she woke covered in sweat and breathing heavily like she'd been running for hours.

Each time she woke, he was there with a glass of water and a strong, comforting embrace.

It seemed like an eternity before the TARDIS sun came up.

The Doctor watched her sleep from the chair in the corner. All night he had thought about her. He listed out every possible situation he could think of in his head. Nothing made sense. One thought kept pulling at his mind. When they were at the Library, River had said the last time she'd seen him was the Singing Towers. But if that was true, how could the two of them be here now? He'd always assumed she'd left for the Library soon after their trip, but hadn't she said it had been three months since then?

River stirred and he moved to her side, brushing a stray curl from her cheek. A smile crept across her face as she saw him. Sitting up, she yawned and stretched.

"How are you felling?" the Doctor asked, worried. She still didn't have a healthy pallor and he could feel her shaking slightly.

"Better." she said, smiling. "Could do with some food, though." she added, licking her dry lips.

She swung her legs over the side of the bed and started toward the kitchen before the Doctor even had time to process what she had said. Quickly, he ran after her.

He found her at the table, toast in one hand, a bite missing, and a cup of tea in the other hand. She grinned as he snuck a bite of her food and planted a kiss on her lips.

"I have to go back to school today, my love. I have a lecture _and_ extra office hours." she stated, leaving no room for him to argue before continuing. "I can't let my students down. Plus, mum and dad are taking me to lunch this afternoon. Mum will be furious if I'm not there."

"Well I can drop you off, but first I need answers. I thought all night about why the TARDIS would do what she did. We had to have been out for at least five hours. What's the point of that?"

"Hmmm?" River asked, taking a sip of tea, knowing he was about to tell her.

"The point of it is that she needed to do something while we were unconscious."

"But why not just ask us to do it or do it with us conscious?"

He began pacing, thinking her question through thoroughly.

"I don't know. Maybe it was something she knew we'd refuse to do."

River swept the crumbs from her toast into her hand and brushed them into the waste basket. "Alright. Suppose it was. What exactly would we refuse to do? Aren't we usually quite willing to do what she says?"

"That's what I've been trying to figure out! It's maddeningly ridiculous!"

She came up behind him and wrapped her arms around his torso. "Sweetie, as adorable as you are when you're thinking...I'm sort of in a hurry. Can't I just try and ask her again?"

He hung his head. He loved to solve problems. But River had to be to school soon and he knew he couldn't stop her from being on time.

"Yeah." he said, obviously crushed.

She sighed. "I'll make you a deal. I'll go get ready and you go to the console room. If you've thought of something before I'm ready, we'll talk some more. Deal?"

The Doctor's face lit up and he nodded excitedly. Off he raced toward the console, leaving River standing in place, laughing at his childish behavior.

"Oh, that impossible man." she whispered fondly as she headed off to change into her work clothes.

Returning to the console a few minutes later, River found the Doctor sitting on the couch, looking frustrated.

"Sweetie? Did you think of-"

She didn't even finish before he shook his head, disheveled.

River sat next to him and took his hand.

"It's alright. You tried your best." she comforted.

After a minute, he sighed and stood up, pulling her to her feet as he did so.

"Alright. Ask away, my love." he said, bowing with a hand flourish to present to her the console.

River laughed and placed one hand on the smooth surface between the keyboard and a row of gray buttons.

The smile stayed as she shut her eyes.

Suddenly, it dropped and her eyes shot open.

"What? What is it?" he asked, noting the dramatic change and expecting the worst.

She shook her head to quiet him and shut her eyes again, listening to the TARDIS.

The Doctor fidgeted nervously. Something was most definitely wrong.

After what seemed like an eternity, she suddenly stumbled back, breathing heavily with a frightened look on her face. It was almost as if the console had burned her hand.

"River?"

She looked at him, wide eyed and took a step backward.

"River what happened?"

She swallowed and forced a smile.

"She's just been up to her old tricks again, my love. Nothing to worry about."

Quickly she began to send the TARDIS to the university.

"Don't you lie to me, River Song." the Doctor said firmly.

She laughed it off.

"Everything is fine, dear. Come on! I'm going to be late if we don't hurry."


	8. Chapter 8

The Doctor followed her out the TARDIS door and watched from the classroom doorway as River walked down the stairs, still wary of her pallor. What he saw shocked him. The room went silent as every student bowed their heads respectfully. She reached the stage and turned to them, exasperated.

"Alright, that's _enough_. No time for gawking. Take out your books an turn to page 681."

Immediately the room filled with the sound of pages turning. The Doctor watched as she crossed to her desk, something obviously on her mind. River pulled out her own book and took a deep breath. Was she okay? She glanced at the door and saw him standing, watching her closely. She crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow, obviously up to something.

"Class, I'd like to introduce you to someone very important."

The class filled with excited whispers.

"Sweetie, would you like to join me? Class, this is the Doctor."

The room went silent and every eye turned to look at him.

He walked down the steps timidly, aware of every eye watching him. When he reached the stage, River held a hand out for his and he took it.

Leaning over, he whispered, "What are you doing?"

Ignoring him, she smiled and continued to address the class.

"Now, I know you all have heard stories about this man. Today he's here to answer your questions. You will be graded on the quality of the questions you ask and how many answers you can get within this lecture hour."

The class filled with excited voices.

"Before we start, are there any review questions you would like me to answer?"

A few hands went up and she saw to each question until they were all answered.

"River, can I talk to you for a second?" the Doctor whispered as the class put away their books.

She turned to him.

"Sure, my love."

"What are you doing?"

River sat on the edge of her desk and supported herself on either side of her thighs, still an unhealthy shade of white.

"I thought maybe you could answer questions so I can sit for awhile." she said slowly, not wanting to admit defeat, but secretly desperate for any sort of help she could get.

His face changed and he reached a hand to her cheek.

"River, are you okay?"

She smiled an nodded.

"I'm just dizzy. Could you take over?"

He brought her to her feet and supported her with a hand around her waist, guiding her back to center stage.

"Alright. Hello! I'm the Doctor and this is River Song. But of course you already know who she is." he rambled.

River laughed and shook her head, pulling away to sit at her desk. His hand caught hers and she turned back, confused.

"What you may not know, is that this fantastic woman is my wife."

River froze. What was he doing?

The roar of surprise in the classroom was near deafening as the students processed what he said.

River sighed and raised a hand. The noise level dropped.

"Okay, that's enough. Ask your questions by raise of hand only. Don't make me send him home." she threatened.

The class stopped fidgeting and hands began to raise.

"Dont say anything stupid, sweetie." she whispered, planting a kiss on his lips.

Someone catcalled and she raised an eyebrow in the direction of the student. The class shifted nervously under her gaze as she moved to sit at her desk, masking the nausea and pounding in her head as best she could as the Doctor began.

"Right. Who's first?"


	9. Chapter 9

"Thank you for your questions. They were brilliant and I'm sure you will all be awarded high marks for today. It was my pleasure to be here." the Doctor said, giving a clumsy bow.

There was a millisecond of silence before the class erupted into applause. He looked surprised. He didn't expect anything to happen after he finished.

River, now much steadier, stood and joined him.

"You were brilliant, my love." she said, smiling. "Thank you."

The Doctor took her hand an leaned down to speak over the noise.

"How are you feeling?"

"I'm alright. Maybe you should take another bow." she laughed.

The class still hadn't stopped cheering. They had all gotten to their feet and a few were jumping up and down.

He smiled and waved like a five year old in a parade.

River stepped forward and held up a hand. The class was slow to respond but once they were quiet, she smiled.

"You all had great questions today. The Doctor and I have to be going after class so I'm sorry but there will not be time for shaking hands."

A disappointed groan sounded from the students.

"Don't forget extra office hours are this evening and we have class Friday. Be sure to study. Finals are next week. You are dismissed."

Chairs scooted and students chattered as they left the room.

River straitened her desk and pulled out her vortex manipulator.

"Lunch?" she asked. "Mum will want to see you."

The Doctor wasn't listening.

"River where do you live now?" he asked, staring off into space.

"Well, I still live in Stormcage. I haven't been an actual prisoner for a very, very long time, but it's where I feel at home, aside from in the TARDIS. And I know as long as I'm there, you'll know where to find me."

River wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Oh." he said simply. "Did I hear you say lunch?"

She laughed and pressed a button on the device.

"BYE!" Amy yelled as she waved from the porch.

The Doctor waved back.

"I'll be right back. I forgot to ask her something." River said, running back to her mother.

He watched closely as she grabbed Amy's hand and said something he couldn't hear. Amy nodded enthusiastically and River smiled. Amy said something back and River hesitated before leaning in to whisper in her ear. Suddenly, Amy screamed and threw her arms around her daughter.

River said one more thing before pulling away with a smile on her face.

"What was that about?" the Doctor asked when she was within earshot.

"Oh just making some plans for this weekend. Girls only." she answered, grabbing his hand and taking them back to the university.

As they appeared, River returned to her desk and began to file the stack of papers waiting in the corner.

"You don't have to stay, sweetie." she said, noting how uncomfortable he was just standing there.

"But...I don't want to leave you, River. What if I don't see you again?" he said quietly.

River set down her pen and looked into his eyes.

"You will always see me again, my love." she said, seriously.

He crossed to her and she stood, returning the embrace.

"I love you."

"I love you, too. Pick me up for dinner next week. 8 o'clock sharp."

He grinned and kissed her.

"Wear something dressy. I've got just the place in mind."


	10. Chapter 10

"This is the last one." Amy announced, coming up the stairs with a box in hand.

"Thanks, mum." River said as she broke down the previous box and tossed it onto the pile in the corner. It hadn't taken long to move her few possessions from her cell in Stormcage to the spare bedroom in her parents' house.

"Alright. All settled?" Rory asked, tea in hand.

River took it from him and nodded.

"Thank you guys again for letting me do this. I just want to make sure the wibbley wobbley space time continuum was safe. The TARDIS said I should stay here for awhile."

"Well its always been your home, dear. No matter what." her father said.

"Right. And besides, what sort of home could a prison cell be for this little tyke?" Amy laughed, leaning over to speak to River's stomach.

"Remind me again what exactly happened?" Rory asked, still not able to wrap his mind around the situation.

River sat on the edge of the bed and placed a hand on each thigh.

"When the Doctor and I last saw each other, the TARDIS knocked us both unconscious. The Doctor was furious," she laughed, "He couldn't understand why she'd do something like that."

"The next day I asked the TARDIS why she'd done it and she told me there was something important. A truth hidden in plain sight."

"Right. Like you being pregnant."

"Yeah. Sort of...except I wasn't. At least I didn't know I was. I was definitely not pregnant before the TARDIS knocked us out. Apparently her whole purpose in the joke was to create this baby so we could be able to fix a horrible wrong. I have to admit, I was having thoughts of denial that I was even pregnant until my class started that afternoon. I was feeling really ill and I had the Doctor come answer questions while I sat and pretended to be perfectly fine. I thought everything through and decided that, given all the facts combined with the discomfort I felt, it was the only explanation. And why would she tell me I was pregnant if I wasn't? That's when I knew. But, you see, the TARDIS also told me that if the Doctor found out before his time, he would do something completely stupid and sacrifice himself or something to that effect. I'm not exactly sure what she was getting at, but it certainly sounded like something he would do and in any case, I would rather he stay alive. She gave me instructions to follow and that's all I've been doing. That day, I knew he wouldn't see me again for a long time, but I couldn't very well tell him that or he would have refused to leave. I told him to pick me up for dinner the week after and the TARDIS made sure he was not able to arrive on time. I don't know exactly what's going on yet...but whatever it is, it must important."

They sat and thought for a minute or two before Amy asked, "What happens if he comes here looking for you?"

River looked down at her left sleeve, pulled over the now five rings of the lazimi and hiding them from her parents.

"We hope he doesn't. And if he does, he can't know I'm here."

Her phone began to ring and she reached for it, glancing at the caller ID to be sure it wasn't the TARDIS.

"Hello? Yes, this is she. What sort of expedition? Mmhmm. Sure I'll have a look. Send over the files and I'll be in touch."

"Another expedition? River you can't keep doing dangerous things." Amy pressed.

River rolled her eyes. And ran a hand over her ghost of a bump. "Honestly, mum, I only said I'd look at files. I never said I'd go."

"Where is it this time? The Island of Naboomboo?" Rory guessed with a smirk.

She laughed, "No, it's an expedition to some planet called The Library."


	11. Chapter 11

The TARDIS landed outside River's cell at Stormcage. The doors exploded open and a man in a classy black suit shot out.

"River! I'm sorry! The TARDIS wouldn't let me drive and I-"

He stopped as the sight before him registered. The door was open. The bed was untouched. Any sight that it had been lived in was absent.

He fought back tears as he entered.

She was gone. He was too late.

Something on the bed caught his eye. As he came closer, he recognized River's neat handwriting and snatched it up.

_To my love,_

_I'm on an expedition. Don't know when I'll be back, but when I am I will find you._

_I love you forever,_

_River_

He sat down heavily. It was time. He looked at his watch.

May 25, 2108.

Some day in the future, after he'd taken her to the Singing Towers for the first...and last time, this would be the day he would have to set the TARDIS to to go give Amy and Rory the horrible news that their daughter would not be coming home from the Library.

Tears began to fall as the guilt filled his conscious. He pressed his face into her pillow, refusing to move. It smelled exactly like her and, with each breath, more memories of her filled his mind. He wept harder, curling into a ball and hugging her blanket to his chest.

"Oh, River. I am so sorry."


	12. Chapter 12

"It's an abandoned planet full of books, mum. There's hardly anything dangerous about that. Stop worrying so much."

"You really should just stay home...Can't Sheldon or one of your other assistants go for you?"

River let out an exasperated sigh.

"I'm going. End of." she said, throwing the last of her tools into her bag.

Amy sighed and stopped arguing. She knew once River had set her mind on something, there was no stopping her.

"I'll only be gone a few days." River said, sitting to tie her boots. "You can lecture me all you want when I get back."

A hand ran over her now visibly protruding belly and she yawned.

"Maybe you should get some sleep." her mother suggested, trying one last plug as she moved River's bag to the floor and pulled down the blankets on her bed.

"I'm leaving in fifteen minutes." she laughed, pulling the blankets back up and throwing the bag over her shoulder.

"River you can't go! You have to go in for your check up. Don't you want to know if the baby is a boy or girl?"

River rolled her eyes. "You don't _have_ to find all that out at _exactly_ 20 weeks. Any time after that works perfectly fine. Plus, I'll have time for all of that _in three days_ when I'm back. We'll be late for my transport if we don't hurry."

She left Amy sulking in her room and found Rory in the kitchen.

"Are you almost ready?" she asked, setting her bag on the counter and adjusting her tank top. She might be pregnant, but that didn't mean she had to wear frumpy clothes that would get in her way.

He nodded. "You should eat something before we go." he insisted, placing a plate full of fresh fruit in front of her, meaningfully.

She nibbled on a strawberry as he tied his shoes.

"There's plenty, dear. Eat." he said, noticing her hesitance.

"That's alright." she said, setting down the rest of the strawberry, "I'm not really hungry. Can we just go?"

"Amy! Let's go!" Rory called.

She appeared at the bottom of the stairs, purse in hand and a look of annoyance and worry on her face.

"What's up, Ames?" he asked, noticing her mood.

She said nothing, walking strait past him and out to the car.

"Oh, she's just upset that I'm leaving. She'll be fine. Shall we?"


	13. Chapter 13

The next morning Amy and Rory woke to the sound of the TARDIS. Not even bothering to dress, they shot downstairs in their bathrobes to meet him, locking River's door on their way down.

Amy opened the door before he could knock and was surprised to see his eyes were swollen and puffy.

"Doctor? Have you been crying? What's happened?" she asked, pulling him into a hug.

"We need to talk." he said seriously.

Frowning, she invited him in and they sat in the front room.

"Amy, Rory, I have done something so...incredibly stupid." he started, not able to look them in the eye. "River's gone. Forever."

There was silence as a confused Amy and Rory looked at each other, startled and confused.

"Well, of course she's gone, Doctor. She's on an expedition. But it's only for a few days." Rory said carefully.

"No, listen. The Library was so very long ago for me. I-" he choked, lips quivering and tears pooling in his eyes. "That was the first time I met River. I broke her heart. I didn't know who she was at all but she new me so well and-" he stopped again, letting out a sob and wiping his eyes.

"Doctor..." Amy said hesitantly, feeling sick to her stomach. "What happened at the Library."

His head was in his hands and his shoulders shook with sobs. Amy and Rory looked back and forth nervously. They'd just dropped her off last night. Their daughter and grandchild. What was going to happen? Or, more accurately, what was happening right now, on a distant planet full of every book ever written?

"Doctor, please." Rory said softly, drawing the man's attention.

He looked up and opened his mouth.

"I'm so sorry. I'm so very sorry."

He didn't have to say anything else. Instantly, Rory was on his feet, pacing and running his hands through his hair, and Amy burst into tears.

"No. Please..."


	14. Chapter 14

"Mr. Lux, none of this is adding up. What aren't you telling us?" River pressed. The team was gathered in their ship, hovering over the Library, trying to figure out a plan.

"Professor Song, I'd kindly remind you that this mission is to find out information about what happened here 100 years ago, not pry into my personal life. You haven't even signed your contract. What makes you think I'd just spell my life right out in front of you? You've got what you need to know, and it's all you're going to get. You are all dismissed. We'll descend in an hour." he hissed, trying to keep his temper down.

The whole journey here had been a struggle between the two. The team respected her over him and were drawn to obey her commands. The team rose to their feet and began to chatter as they went about their tasks. River stayed put, pretending to read the charts before her on the desk, but lost in thought.

She was going to need help. The kind of help that wasn't readily available to most individuals. She pulled out her psychic paper and fingered it, considering the results. It was stupid, yes, but she hadn't seen him in so long...And no one here knew she was pregnant. She was very careful to dress in her suit long before coming in contact with any of the team, just in case. She wanted them to know as little as possible about her. If she called him, they wouldn't say anything. And the suit hid it well...

Quickly, she scribbled on the paper and slid it back into her pocket, standing to get back to work.

She would never have guessed the results of that message.

He'd come, just like he always did. Except he was young and proud and stupid, not at all the Doctor she knew and loved, but she could tell in an instant that he was in there. The shock came when she pulled out her diary. He didn't know her. He just sat and stared at her like she was crazy.

The pain was unbearable. Here she was, his wife, the mother of their child, and he didn't even trust her. He didn't know who she was, and he could never know. He had to find it out himself, experience it all on his own, and that hurt her.

The team was in a panic after Miss Evangelesta and proper Dave were taken by the Vashta Nerada. They were running, always running. The shadows following with terrifying speed.

The running was starting to get to her. She was so tired, and the baby kept kicking her as if to tell her it didn't like it.

They paused their running for a moment and the team stopped to catch their breath. River breathed in deep and momentarily placed a hand on her stomach, mentally begging the child to be still. If she was going to keep them alive, she needed to feel less like she was going to be sick.

Almost immediately after she paused, she forced herself to focus on the problem at hand. This Doctor didn't know who she was, but _somehow _she'd make him trust her.

He looked shocked as she boosted the lamp with her screwdriver and he questioned her about it.

"You gave it to me." she said simply.

"I don't give my screwdriver to anyone." he said, still looking at her like she was untrustworthy.

"I'm not anyone." she shot back, adding in a little cheek without thinking about it.

This wasn't _her_ Doctor, but she still felt the deepest of love for him. She knew time could be rewritten, but no matter what happened, he was hers, even if he was not quite finished yet.

_But he will be,_ she thought, _if we make it out of this alive._


	15. Chapter 15

"She did it to save me. I was cocky and stupid. She didn't want to change her past, our lives together, by letting me die. I saved her mind to the data core, but her body - I - I've never forgiven myself. It haunts me constantly. Every second of every day. I-"

"Amy, we have to do something. Now." Rory said suddenly, pulling her to her feet and running out of the room.

The Doctor stood quickly, shouting that they couldn't do anything. It was too late.

By the time he reached the door, they'd locked themselves in the TARDIS and not even he could get in.

"Amy, Rory, come out of there! It's too late. What are you doing?"

Rory's voice, thick with emotion, replied through the door. "I don't know yet. But we have to do something. She's out there, right now. There's a lot more at stake than just her life, Doctor. I'm sorry you can't come."

The TARDIS began to groan.

"No! Rory don't! Amy! You can't change what happened! Come back!"

He was shouting to empty air. They were gone.

He cursed and resisted the tears. He was stuck here while his wife was dying and his best friends were doing who knows what. What if they were hurt? He couldn't handle that.

The Doctor stormed back into the house, not sure what to do with himself. He began to pace the entire area of the ground floor. Kitchen, front room, dining room, den, living room, entryway, hall...It was the only thing he could do.

"What exactly are we going to do?" Amy asked, still trying to keep from crying. "River's going to die and we can't change that. She has to die to save the Doctor in the past to save his future. All those things he's done since then will be erased. We would never have met him."

Rory paced around the console.

"I'm not sure. The TARDIS locked the Doctor out and flew away with us inside, so there must be _something_ we can do."

"He never told us exactly HOW she died, did he?" Amy said, suddenly lighting up. "But he said he saved her to some sort of data core or something?"

"Yeah, so?"

Amy walked to the scanner.

"Alright, sexy. We need your help. Can you show us how River dies?" she choked, partially hoping nothing would happen.

The screen flickered and they saw River sitting on a chair, strapped to some sort of routing device. There was a countdown on the screen and she was crying. As the clock reached zero, she plugged the cables together and there was a blinding light. It was so bright that even just watching the video footage, they had to turn away.

The screen went black again.

Shocked into silence, Rory and Amy stood with their mouths open. River Song was the bravest person in all of time and space. She'd done it to save 4022 people. She'd done it to save the Doctor. She'd done it to save the universe.

Amy came to herself first and said, "Erm...Thanks, old girl. Could we see what exactly is in the data core? Like is it just black or something?"

The screen flickered again and there was a quaint little village on the shores of a lake. Children played in the parks and people laughed and seemed to be quite happy.

"Rory..." Amy said, slowly, "What if..."

He knew what she was thinking.

"But that's brilliant! Are you absolutely sure, though?"

"Yes. Let's bring our baby girl home safely."


	16. Chapter 16

They reached a room with a sky roof. The sun was setting. The Doctor and River found a swarm of Vashta Nerada in a corner. It was small, but they knew more would come soon. The team sat to rest and River joined them, breathing heavily and trying to calm her queasy stomach. The team members were starting to ask questions. Too many questions.

She tried to answer calmly, but the stress of the situation and the added sick feeling coming from inside her made it difficult to keep her temper and panic in check.

"You say he's your friend, but he doesn't even know who you are." Anita accused.

It was a painful reminder that she didn't need.

"Listen, all you need to know is this: I trust that man to the end of the universe, and actually, we've been."

"He doesn't act like he trusts you." she said, adding another painful stab into River's wall.

She broke a little. Her words came out a little too harshly as she countered, "Yeah. There's a tiny problem. He hasn't met me yet."

She stood and walked over to him, tired of being questioned. All she wanted was _her_ Doctor. His embrace, his love, his trust.

River offered him her screwdriver, trying to help. He stood, looking suspicious of her. He began to interrogate her and she answered every question as best as she could, which wasn't much help. She even scolded him for being emotional and distant. But she knew it wasn't enough. They began to argue and Mr. Lux stood.

"Oh, for heaven's sake, look at the pair of you! We're all going to die right here and you're just squabbling like an old married couple!"

She froze.

Was it that easy to see, even when no one here knew the truth?

The Doctor looked into her eyes, trying to read them. River shifted uncomfortably, meeting his gaze with equal intensity. In that moment, she decided to do something incredibly stupid.

"Doctor, one day I'm going to be someone that you trust completely, but I can't wait for you to find that out. So I'm going to prove it to you." she paused, swallowing her fear of what she was about to do. "And I'm sorry. I'm really very sorry."

River leaned in to whisper in his ear.

The words she spoke changed him. His face was still full of curiosity, but the mistrust was gone. He was shocked.

The look in her eyes was apologetic as she asked, "Are we good?"

He didn't respond. He was just staring at her, full of wonder.

"Doctor, are we good?" she said again, more forcefully, snapping him out of his trance.

He nodded slightly and swallowed.

"Good." was all she could get to come out of her mouth. River was not one for giving out spoilers, but sometimes it had to happen. She walked away from him and he snapped back into action, turning back into the Doctor she loved, always in charge, always coming up with brilliant ideas and solutions.

She was hardly listening at all until suddenly, a hologram of Donna appeared in front of them.

Suddenly, things were moving quickly again. The Doctor scrambled to try and get Donna back, Anita announced she had two shadows, the Doctor tinted her visor, proper Dave's suit appeared and they began to run again.

The Doctor stopped to chat with the suit as the rest of the team continued on. River left other Dave to look after him. They stopped at the entrance to the main computer and waited.

The physical and emotional pain she was feeling was too much. Words began to spill out of her mouth. She told Anita how much she was wishing for _her_ Doctor. He was always so good to her, always trusting and helpful. She wanted him there.

The Doctor appeared at the top of the stairs, startling her out of her words.

He wasn't in the mood for nice talk. His words hurt her and she retaliated just as hurtfully.

She ignored him as he continued to rant, focusing instead on keeping her face neutral as the baby sent a firm kick to her ribs.

He was excited about something.

"You don't say saved, you say safe." he began, continuing his rant and explaining his theory.

Before he had even finished, it hit her.

The computer core. They were all in the computer core.


	17. Chapter 17

"Okay. Have we got everything?" Amy asked, looking over their pile of objects.

"I think so. Have you got the vortex manipulator?"

She held it up and tossed it to him.

"Perfect. Now, we've got to be quick and quiet."

"What if she fights us?" Amy asked, realizing just how stubborn River could be.

"We remind her of what's _really_ important. This _has_ to work."

The Doctor was bored of pacing the main level.

Wasn't this house taller? Ah, yes. There were the stairs. He started up, trying every door he came to.

He poked around the game room for a bit before continuing on. The next door he tried was a small library.

Quickly he slammed the door shut, pushing out the flood of emotion.

His hand tried to turn the knob of the last door. It was locked.

A grin spread across his face. This was Amy's secret room. No one was allowed in and the door was always locked. He loved locked doors. There was always a surprise behind them.

He felt around for his sonic, realizing he had left it on the coffee table in the front room.

As he flew down the stairs, he smiled.

Maybe this would be something good.


	18. Chapter 18

Alarms were blairing all over the place.

"We've got to save CAL!" Mr Lux shouted.

"What's CAL?"

Seconds later, River had opened the gravity platform and they were in the core of the planet, at the main computer.

They were running out of time fast.

"Help me. Please help me." came a voice.

"Is that a child?" River asked, wide-eyed.

Mr. Lux pulled a lever and introduced them to CAL.

It was a tragic story. River's hearts broke as she listened. They had to save her. She'd already saved so many lives...

The Doctor rushed to the computer, talking himself into a solution.

"Easy. I'll hook myself up to the computer and she can borrow my memory!"

Panic shot through River like icy water.

"Difficult. It'll kill you stone dead!"

He brushed her off like it didn't matter.

"You'll burn up both your hearts, I don't think you'll regenerate!" she shouted, close to tears. He couldn't die here. She couldn't let him. What would happen to her? What would happen to the universe?

He began giving them instructions, ignoring her pleas.

God, he was so hard to deal with!

"...and Professor can I just mention in passing, as you're here, shut up." he said, moving on to begin wiring.

She was furious. How dare he talk to her like that?!

"I HATE YOU SOMETIMES!" she shouted, storming out to help Mr. Lux free up computer space.

At this moment, she just wanted to let the idiot die.

She needed a plan.


	19. Chapter 19

"We should probably change out of our nighties first..." Rory remembered as they were waiting for the TARDIS to give them the okay.

Quickly, they threw on some of their clothes they'd left in their room and strapped on their geer.

The TARDIS groaned and began to fly itself.

"I guess this is it, then." Amy said nervously.

"Yeah..." Rory replied.

Suddenly, they were kissing furiously. As they broke apart, they each said "I love you" one last time before the doors swung open.

"Alright. Let's see what you have for me, locked door. The _only_ locked door in the house." the Doctor said aloud, pointing his sonic at the lock and hearing a loud _click_ as it unlocked.

Excitedly, he turned the knob and swung the door open, ready for an adventure.

He froze.

"But this isn't right..." he said, resisting the urge to shut the door again.

It was River's room. He knew it. It looked like her, it _smelled_ like her...all of her things were there. Since when did she live here? She lived at Stormcage. She'd told him that just before he left her. Before he stopped coming back.

_Oh, River..._


	20. Chapter 20

River and Mr. Lux shot through the corridor to the nearest computer and quickly began following the Doctor's orders, freeing up as much space as they could.

There was only one computer and Mr. Lux had taken over it, making quick work of the firewalls and starting the deletion process as River paced back and forth, one hand on her stomach, the other hanging tensely at her side.

Thoughts raced through her mind. He was going to kill himself. What did that mean for her? She would never be born. They would never meet. History would change, lives would be lost, and the universe would be in dire parel.

She had a choice to make.

She could let him go through with it and disappear with all of time and space thus far, or she could stop him.

But stop him how? She knew very well his plan was the only way out of this alive. But he couldn't die _here._

Suddenly, she stopped pacing as a thought popped into her head. She could die in his place.

His future with her would be safe. They would run and run across the universe and back, never glancing backwards, and history would be set.

A firm kick to her ribs made her jump a little and her hand flew to the spot.

_The baby._

There would not be just one life lost today, regardless of her choice. It was either her and her unborn child, or him and countless peoples and planets. It had to be done and there was no way around it.

Taking a deep breath to steady her racing hearts, she walked purposefully back to the Doctor.

He was finished with the wiring for the most part and she knew she could finish it herself. As he spoke to her, she let all the anger and hurt of the day build and build until she had the strength to send a punch into the face she loved so dearly.

The second he was out, she had her handcuffs out and fastened him to a metal pole where she knew he couldn't escape and try to stop her. Her diary and both their screwdrivers were laying on the floor just out of his reach as she started to finish the wiring.

A sound filled the room. A sound she feared she would never hear again.

The TARDIS materialized in the corner and out stepped...her parents?

"River you can't do this. We're taking you home." Amy said firmly, leaving no room for argument.

"There's no other way, mum. He can't die here or it will change history. The universe won't be able to stand the shock of it and _everyone_ will die." River said, letting a tear roll down her cheek.

"Yes, but there is a way. You and the Doctor- you're so perfect together. You've just gotten to know each other, really, and you're going to have a baby. The universe needs the both of you."

"The universe needs one of us, the one who can save it. If I die here, our lives together will still remain unchanged. I don't know about you, but I'd say that's a hell of a lot better than being erased from history altogether." She was upset that her parents wouldn't just listen to her. She knew what she was talking about. Why were they even here?

"Don't argue. Both of you are going to live. The TARDIS helped us come up with a plan. It's important that the Doctor remembers it the same now as he did before in order to keep history in its proper place, but there's a moment where he'll look away. That's when we'll do it." Rory said.

"Do what?"


	21. Chapter 21

The Doctor slowly walked across the threshold of River's room, acting as if his presence would disturb the balance of all things. His fingers brushed the new rocking chair in the corner and it began it's forward and backward movement with ease. Next, he went to the dresser and smiled sadly at the framed pictures that lined it.

Amy, Rory, and River as the three musketeers on Halloween in primary school, the three at their high school graduation, River and himself sharing garlic fries at the bowling alley in Leadsworth last year-

At each photo he paused to let it sink in, allowing all the memories of times past to wash over him. As he reached the end, he noticed the last frame was empty and a lime green post-it note was stuck on the glass.

_New frame, new addition, new picture. _

_Please don't forget your appointment, River. _

_You promised!_

_~Mum_

He reread the note three or four more times before finally giving up. He had no clue what it meant, and even if he did, it didn't matter now. She was gone.

"Are you two _really_ sure about this?" River asked hesitantly, not wanting to go through with their plan. It was risky, and there wasn't any hope of survival.

"Of course we are. All set? I think he's coming around."

River nodded nervously and sat in the chair, wiring herself up properly and preparing for the moments to come.

"Be brave, River." Amy whispered, hugging her tightly. "Take care of that ridiculous idiot you call your husband, yeah? And the baby." Her voice choked with emotion as the realization of final goodbyes hit. "I'm so proud of you. I'll always love you."

River nodded, tears forming in her eyes as her mother backed away towards the TARDIS and her father stepped forward.

"All set, then?"

River nodded and he smiled.

"Be brave. Remember what is at stake."

The Doctor began to stir and Rory backed away quickly in the shadows to join Amy.

They watched as he realized what was going on and tried to fight against the restraints, begging her to let him do it.

She refused, reminding him of what was at stake. Somehow the words she spoke told him everything without telling him anything at all. Every word pure truth except for the most important lie.

"The last time I saw you-the real you- the future you-" her voice cracked as she spoke, hating the lie and fighting the memory of that night. How sad he had been. Now she knew why. He thought it would be the last time he saw her.

Oh how very wrong he was.

The moment was here. Tears spilled down her face as she spoke her final words to him through a loving smile.

"Hush now, spoilers."

He couldn't watch as she connected the plug. There was a blinding flash of white light-and then it was done.


	22. Chapter 22

The comforting sound of the TARDIS filled River's ears. Her eyes fluttered open and she took in her surroundings. Was she dead? Or had the plan worked?

"Awake?" her father asked, coming out from the other side of the console.

"Yeah." she said groggily, sitting up on her elbows. "Did it work?"

A grin climbed her father's cheeks and relief filled her.

"Have you got the neuro-relay all set up?" she checked.

"Ages ago. She's safe and sound. How are you feeling?" Rory asked.

"To be honest? Like a pregnant woman who's been running for my life." she replied cheekily, "So when are you off?"

"As soon as I know you're safe."

She smiled and sat the rest of the way up, wincing as a series of punches and kicks attacked her inside.

"Where's- Where's the Doctor?" she asked, not knowing if she was fully ready to confront him yet.

"Still brooding at the house where we left him, I imagine." Rory laughed.

River took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"I suppose I'd better go get him before he breaks something." she said with a roll of the eyes.

"You're probably right..."

They landed in the yard and Rory took her into his arms in a tight, fatherly embrace.

"Always remember you're a Pond. We'll be with you wherever you end up and wherever we end up. Stay safe."

"My best to mum. I love you both forever."

He smiled and punched a few buttons on the vortex manipulator.

"And dad..."

Rory looked up at her, melting at the tears in her eyes.

"Thank you."

A click of the vortex manipulator and he was gone.

The Doctor was sitting in the rocking chair, River's pillow clasped in his arms. He had decided he would keep it. So he could remember her smell and the way he would wake up to it after a night of adventuring.

A sound reached his ears. He did not want to hear that sound yet.

Grudgingly he stood and stormed down the stairs, ready to give the Ponds a proper telling off for stealing the TARDIS and trying to mess with time.

As he swung open the back door, he saw his beloved box, doors still closed, waiting patiently for him on the lawn.

He stopped and crossed his arms, fixing his face with a stern look, waiting for his best friends to come out and face him.

But when the doors finally opened, his knees went weak the instant his eyes took in the figure stepping out.

She was still wearing that ridiculous white suit with hair pulled back. She was so beautiful.

His eyes met hers and he stumbled forward, sobbing like he'd never done before. Tears were making her eyes sparkle and she began to run towards him, longing to have his arms around her again.

Their lips crashed together as they met in the middle of the lawn. His hands were in her hair in an instant, and her hands found his braces, carefully gaging the distance between her stomach and his. The two clung to each other for an eternity, only their sobs broke them apart.

The Doctor let his hands move to her waist, pulling her in closer, longing to feel her body against his. Just before they touched, she pulled her lips back, breathing heavily, but no longer broken with sobs. Pushing him away, he saw her face change from pure joy to - fear? She broke free of him and ran into the house, not looking back.

His forehead wrinkled in a look of surprise and worry. Something was wrong.

River had gone up to her room and shut the door, pressing her back against it and sinking to the floor, letting fresh tears fall. She wasn't exactly sure why she'd run. She'd just panicked. Thoughts overtook her mind. All her emotions were exploding simultaneously.

_How could she be so happy and so sad and so scared all at the same time?_

She didn't remember much after the TARDIS switched her and Amy's places until she had woken up in the console room. Her father had, no doubt, rushed right out to upload her mother's memories to CAL's data core before bringing her back here. And now she knew he had likely already been uploaded as well. Ready to be with her mother forever in any world they could ever dream up.

It pained her conscious to think of what they'd given up. They had lives here and now they could never come back, they had to start over, and she'd likely never see them again. Could she really tell the Doctor what they'd done? Or, more importantly, _why _they'd done it? She came to the conclusion there wasn't really a choice. It all had to come out.

A timid knock sounded on the door.

"River?"

She took in one final breath before standing and turning the knob.

He was standing in the doorway, looking hesitant. Her hand wiped the tears from her face and she put on a smile for him.

"Hello, sweetie." she said, letting the oh so familiar words hang in the air.

A corner of his mouth twitched upward. Oh how he had missed that phrase.

"I-I thought I was never going to see you again, River. You- You died." His words were thick with emotion. "But you're here now. If there's something-"

"Mum and dad are gone." she blurted out suddenly, mentally forcing her feelings to become numb.

The Doctor gaped at her, not sure what to think yet.

"Wh-What?" he stuttered.

"They said the TARDIS helped them come up with a plan or something...I- I don't know. It all happened so fast. She switched our places at the last second before I- when you looked away. Mum's been uploaded to the data core, not me. Dad-he brought me back here before he went back to live in the computer as well..." She trailed off, not sure what else to say. She remained silent, letting her words sink in.

Tears began to form in his eyes as he took in her words.

"But they - - I don't understand." he said finally.

Of course he didn't. He was missing the most important piece of the puzzle. She fought back fresh tears and looked down. Her suit really did hide it well..._Too well, damn it._

The Doctor thought his words had somehow brought emotion to the surface. He held out his arms for her and she allowed him to hold her, carefully crossing her arms first to keep a barrier between them.

He could feel how tense she was and he pulled back. "What's wrong?"

"There's something else." she replied, pulling away and pretending to look out the window.

"Something else? Wait-Before this 'something else'...I'd like to know why the hell Amy and Rory would do that. It's completely asinine and I-"

"That's just the point. The something else is exactly why they did it."

"I still don't-"

They did it for us." she interrupted. It was barely a whisper, but it got his attention quickly.

"For -"

"So we could be together." River choked, turning back to him, tears returning to her eyes.

_How_ could she tell him? She knew it needed to be said, and soon. He was coming towards her again. Everything was in slow motion. His love for her was practically pouring out of him as his arms reached around her, willing her to let him hold her close.

She broke.

Her arms wrapped around his waist and she hugged him tight, not even caring when she felt his body go rigid.

"River what..."

"Don't." she whispered, turning her head to press her face into his chest. "Don't you _ever _let go."

The Doctor went silent, still tense and confused, she was sure, but his arms stayed where they were until she finally relaxed.

River squeezed her eyes shut and took a few steadying breaths.

She looked up at him and nearly started laughing at the look on his face. His eyes were bright and there was the hint of a grin.

"Wait, Doctor, before you-"

"You're pregnant?!" he exploded. "River why didn't you tell me?! I could have helped! I-Oh my God. The Library-I was such an idiot. And you were pregnant! You were pregnant?! Why would you-"

River rolled her eyes and sat down in the rocking chair, gently rocking back and forth as she listened to him with her eyes firmly shut. She quickly grew endlessly annoyed as he went on and on.

"Do you realize you could have been killed? You should be taking things easy and -" he stopped as he saw her shift uncomfortably, accompanied by a wince. Her hand pressed into her right side. He was kneeling next to her in a flash.

"Are you alright?" he asked, worried something bad had happened.

"Do you ever shut up? I mean really, sweetie. Have you ever listened to yourself?" she asked as she moved to a less painful position in the chair, eyes still shut tight.

Peaking at his blank face, she sighed. "I'm fine, darling. Can we just...not talk about things we can't change? Yes, I went to the Library. Yes, it was dangerous. But I didn't know it would be when I left. Now, I'd like to be able to move on, if it's all the same to you."

She shut her eyes again, leaning her head back. The Doctor grabbed her hand and kissed each finger.

"I'm sorry, River. You are the best. You are smart, and beautiful, and i can't imagine having to live without you, which is ironic since that's all I've been-"

"Sweetie..."

"Oh, right."

"That's better. Where were we?"

He grinned.

"Hmmm...That's a good question." he teased, determined to save the scolding for later. He had her back. She was alive. "Oh, what was it...Ah, yes. I remember. You're pregnant!"

His grin was contageous and she let out a laugh that made his hearts race.

"I can't believe it! It's so- It's absolutely brilliant! But how-"

River stood as she began to talk. She was sick of the suit. It was definitely time to change.

"The TARDIS, that's how." she said, setting her boots in the closet and slipping off the neck ring and belt. "Sweetie, would you get the zipper?"

He obliged, asking, "The TARDIS?"

"Yes, darling. That trick she played on us a few months back. Well...I suppose it's been longer for you?" she slipped her arms out of the sleeves and let the top half of the suit and hang on her hips as she pulled the elastic out of her hair and shook it down, running both hands through it, sighing for relief.

As she turned back to him she stopped.

"Sweetie?"

He was staring at her with a ridiculous open mouthed grin.

"River you're-" he stepped forward and knelt in front of her, his fingers running up under the lining of the fabric on her purple tank top in wonder.

She laughed a little and said, "Yes, my love. Of course I am. That's generally what happens when-"

"You're pregnant." they said simultaneously.

Her smile faded a little as he stood again and brushed her cheek with the back of his hand.

"You are beautiful."

River grinned and kissed is cheek before turning again to finish changing.

As she pulled the suit off and folded it, something caught her eye and she froze.

"What's the matter?"

Her breathing became rapid as she turned to face him.

_It couldn't be..._

River raised her left wrist for him to see.

"It's- Doctor it's still there."

Still wrapping nearly half of her forearm, and darker thank ever, was the Lazimi.


	23. Chapter 23

There was nothing but silent confusion and fear in the room as River stood with her hand held out. The Doctor staired at her wrist, blinking over and over again, hoping that he would open his eyes and it would be an illusion, a trick of the mind. No luck.

River made a noise and pulled her left hand back to join her right, pressing them into her lower abdomen as another onslot of kicks and punches struck.

This baby was not happy.

The Doctor helped her to her chair and knelt in front of her, running a hand through her curls as she breathed deeply, eyes pressed firmly shut and hands still resting over the baby's kicks. Surely it couldn't hurt _that_ bad, could it?

Nervously, he looked from her face to her hands and back before placing his hand over hers, silently comforting her. She slid her hands out from under his and pressed his further into her belly.

Quickly he pulled away, shaking his hand out as the surprisingly powerful kick he had felt stung his palm. River watching him, smiling as if she had played a joke on him.

"What the hell was that?" he asked, still nursing his stinging hand like a child. It didn't hurt for long, but his shock at the strength of the kick hurt his ego a bit.

"Try getting it from the inside, sweetie. That was your baby." River answered, wincing as another kick send pain shooting through her. "And your baby is _not_ happy."

That was all she could manage before squeezing her eyes shut again and taking a few deep breathes.

The Doctor just sat there, not knowing what to do. He didn't know much about this sort of thing, but he was almost sure kicking should not be this painful or this frequent. Maybe something was wrong. Maybe he should take her to the doctor or something.

"Can you make it to the TARDIS, or shall I bring it up?" he asked, simultaneously resting one hand over hers and running the other through her hair.

"What for? Are we going somewhere?" she asked, not opening her eyes, but relaxing a little as she felt his warm touch.

"I'm taking you to the Doctor. Something is wrong."

She shook her head as she let out the breath of air in her lungs through her mouth. "It's alright. Nothing is wrong, really. I just-" she paused to take another breath, "I just spent hours running through that library. The baby didn't like it much. I'll be-"

He placed a finger over her lips to quiet her and then she felt his hands let go of her. His footsteps walked toward the door.

She opened her eyes and watched as he slowly reached for the handle. There was pain in his eyes and she knew he felt responsible for the physical and emotional suffering he'd caused her on that adventure. He'd been an absolute prick and he knew it.

"Doctor." she said softly, causing him to look up at her sadly. River stood and crossed to him, pulling is face to look at her and holding it there until his eyes were on hers.

Tears began to fill her eyes as she saw all the guilt that had been haunting him since his tenth regeneration. She almost couldn't bare it.

"If you love me you'll believe me when I say it wasn't your fault." she began, seriously, never breaking eye contact. "You should never feel any guilt for anything that happened there. You couldn't have known about the Vashta Nerada, and even if you did it wouldn't have stopped me. You know that. If I had to go back and do it over, I'd do it the exact same. Do you understand?"

He watched her face as she spoke. She was genuine in her words. He knew she meant every word, but could he really just let go that easily? Maybe not.

River watched some of the shadows leave his eyes as he listened to her. She knew it would take time, but he would forgive himself entirely someday.

Unable to resist for another second, she rose up on her toes and pressed her lips to his, opening her mouth slightly and letting his tongue run along her teeth. She smiled and nipped at it playfully as it ran along the roof of her mouth. Oh how she had missed him. She'd missed him more than words could say. The smile never left as he tugged at her lip with his teeth, sucking on it ever so slightly. His hand was in her hair, pulling a fistful of curls with aching desire. He had missed her too. He never thought he'd be able to be with her again. But he had her in his arms, and he wasn't about to let go.

As they broke apart, they shared a smile. River laughed as he pulled at his braces with his thumbs, proud of his ability to kiss his wife still.

A particularly painful kick to her kidney sent River doubling over with a cry. The Doctor suddenly seemed to remember they had a situation that needed to be dealt with. He shook himself and willed his hearts and lungs to calm down. He put an arm around her, walking her slowly to the bed to lay down.

"You should rest. There will be time for more fun when the baby has settled down." he said as she settled.

River glared at him. "Oh, now you're just teasing me." she said, punching his stomach gently as another few kicks hit her, causing her to wince.

"This baby is going to either be a soccer player or a boxer. Possibly both." she said as she pressed a hand to the spot and shifted around.

"I love you, River." the Doctor said, unable to stop staring at her. "Are you hungry? Thirsty? Can I do _anything_?"

She looked at him, hardly believing how lucky she was that he was here to care for her now.

"I'm alright for now. But thank you, my love. It means the world."

He smiled at her and tucked a curl behind her ear.

"Could you stay?" she asked as he stood up strait to leave.

He looked relieved, almost as if he was hoping she'd ask him to do just that.

Slipping off his jacket, shoes and braces, he carefully climbed into bed, trying not to move it around too much.

"I missed you so much. I hated having to lie to you and then hide from you for so long. All I wanted was for you to be with me." River admitted, swirling his hair around her finger as he pressed his ear into her breast, longing to hear the rhythm of her hearts for the rest of forever.

"I missed you, too." he whispered, sneaking his arm across her belly and holding her close to him. "But I was just wondering how you got your mother to give you her special secret room. She never even lets anyone even peak in it, let alone live in it."

"It's because I'm pregnant and I always get what I want." she laughed.

As if on cue, the Doctor felt a kick beneath him. He opened his eyes wide, pulled away. She rolled her eyes and sighed, sitting up on her elbows.

"River, I'm so sorry! You should be resting and I-"

She laughed, "Oh, shut up, you. I _am_ resting." she said laying back down as he grabbed her hand and held it tightly.

They lay on the bed together in silence as reality came back to them.

"Do you think the Lazimi is still..." River started, trailing off as she began to realise the truth of the situation.

"I don't know. I'll do some more work on it once you are well. We'll figure it out."

The silence resumed, causing an ominous feeling to permeate the air.

Neither spoke, nor moved, except when she received another uncomfortable kick or punch. They were becoming less and less frequent and considerably less strong. Soon they would be normal again.

All they could do was wait. And wait, they did.


	24. Chapter 24

River didn't realize she'd fallen asleep until she stirred.

As she looked around her room, the events of the day sunk in and she realized just how _tired_ she was. The Doctor was no longer on the bed.

She was about to call out for him when the door opened and he entered, carrying a bed tray with an assortment of breakfast foods.

"Oh, good! You're awake! I didn't want to wake you." he said as he helped her sit back on the pillows and placed the tray in her lap. "I made you breakfast. There are some eggs and some fruit and a couple pieces of toast and a bowl of oatmeal...I didn't know what you would want so I just made it all." he said, kissing her forehead and moving to leave.

"Do I get to say anything at all?" she asked cheekily.

He turned back.

"Why am I having breakfast? It's not even time for dinner yet." River said, confused.

"Actually, it _is_ time for breakfast. You fell asleep before dinner _yesterday_ and...I didn't want to wake you because you'd had a really long and stressful day and I just thought-"

"So it's morning?" she interrupted.

He nodded.

"Well then good morning, my love." she smiled, "Thank you for breakfast it looks fabulous."

He beamed proudly and turned again to leave.

River cleared her throat and he stopped.

"Where on earth do you think you're going? What's so important that you can't relax and enjoy this breakfast with your wife?"

He looked at her, confused for a moment. She raised her eyebrow and he smiled before joining her on the bed.

"How are you feeling?" he asked as she handed him a piece of toast.

She thought for a moment before answering, "Better. Much better. But I'm a little tired still."

He nodded. That made sense. She'd been working hard for the past couple days. She'd run so fast yesterday. It was good that she was tired.

"How is the baby?" he asked, drawing a pattern on her belly.

"Less upset, for sure." she laughed as she took a bite of fruit.

He smiled and tapped her nose.

"Good. I have a surprise for you."

She laughed.

"A surprise?"

"Yes. Close your eyes."

She eyed him suspiciously, then obeyed.

He got off the bed and she heard him open the closet and shuffle around a little.

"Okay you can open them!" he said excitedly.

River gasped.

"You've fixed up your old cot! Sweetie, it's beautiful! I love it!" she exclaimed, moving the tray aside and joining him next to the beautiful wood cot. The mobile that hung from the top had been repainted, as well as the Gallifreyan symbols that surrounded the base. He'd even put new bedding in.

She ran her hand along the edge, smiling happily. It was perfect.

"Thank you, my love." she said, kissing him softly and then leaning comfortably into his chest as he held her.

"I-I think probably we should go find out what the Lazimi means now..." the Doctor said finally, not wanting to ruin the mood and the moment, but determined to keep her safe and with him always now that he had her back.

River sighed and nodded.

"I guess we'd better. Let's just hope she doesn't try any more of her tricks."


	25. Chapter 25

"Do I have time to shower while you set up your gadgets?" River asked as they walked hand in hand out to the TARDIS.

"Yes. I'm going to have to do some recalibrating before we start."

He kissed her forehead as they walked through the doors. The TARDIS made a loud noise as they came up the stairs, causing the Doctor to jump and River to laugh.

"What was that for?" he challenged the machine, embarrassed that he had been startled.

"She was just saying hello to me, Doctor. I didn't get to have a proper chat with her yesterday and I haven't even seen her since...well since _this_." she said, waving a hand at her stomach. "And a very good morning to you as well, dear friend. Thank you."

The TARDIS groaned in reply.

"I should think so." River said thoughtfully.

He looked at her as the TARDIS again spoke.

She laughed, "He bloody well better not count on it!"

Sending him a smile and a wink, she walked away toward their room.

How could they talk all the time? Even _he_ couldn't find a way to communicate very well with her.

A small seed of jealousy bit his heart as he began his work but he quickly brushed it off.

They could talk all they wanted. He would find a way to understand too one day.

_One day AFTER I know River is safe._

River gingerly stepped into the spray of the warm shower. Her sore muscles relaxed as she emmersed herself. It felt incredible.

All the exhaustion of the expedition had caught up to her, of course, but not even that could push out the overwhelming desire to be clean again.

She knew she was a dirty mess. It was time for a fresh start.

As she let the water wash the dirt and grit away, she began to hum. It was one of the few things she remembered from her childhood. The words were gone, but the melody still ran through her every thought, like it was part of who she was.

Once she was clean, she readied herself and grabbed a comb, beginning the process of untangling her wild curls as she left the room to find the Doctor.

"I'm under the console, River!" he shouted when he heard her calling.

Seconds later she appeared, freshly showered and still combing out her hair.

He stood and offered her his seat. "oh, such a gentleman!" she laughed as she kissed his cheek and sat in the swing.

"have you got everything figured out and ready yet?"

"oh, ages ago. I've just been-well, that's not important. Here," he said, handing her a glass of water, "drink this."

Her eyebrow raised suspiciously, but she took a sip as he continued.

"Hydration is very important for you. You should always be hydrated. now, After you've had your water, we're going to put your arm back into the console again and see what it says this time."

River rolled her eyes. "putting my hand back in is your big idea?"

He looked offended. "oh, come on, river. There's no other way to find out and i can't have big elaborate plans _every _time." he pouted.

"oh alright. Let's get this over with." she said, emptying her glass and standing. "better sooner than later..."


	26. Chapter 26

The Doctor and River stood hand in hand in front of the console. Neither would say a word, but both were beginning to realize what was about to happen.

For the Doctor, it was the one thing keeping him from spending forever with her. The Library had always been the end in his mind. He had spent every moment dreading _that _event, but now, they had both made it past. He had been so excited and ready to face the unknown with her, unafraid of some life altering event looming over his head...and now he wasn't sure he was ready for another one so soon. It was as if he could already feel that foreseeing the second time would hurt far worse.

For her, it felt like a death sentence. She was feeling things she'd never thought she would feel. Even in the library her death was a choice, something that had to happen, and everything had happened so fast...but now she would have a time limit in the back of her mind, forever holding her back from living life fully. She would know when it was coming and she would know how.

"Doctor..."

"River?"

She paused, unsure of how to tell him she wasn't ready to die.

"River..."

"Doctor?"

He let his mouth lock shut, not able to find the words that said he wasn't ready to let her go.

He looked sideways at her. The look on her face, the way she chewed her bottom lip, the tears in her eyes. She was scared, too.

At almost the same moment, they turned to each other, neither speaking for another moment.

River broke the silence.

"Doctor, I don't want to know."

He looked relieved. "you don't?"

"no. I don't. No one should know when they're going to...what I mean is...I want to spend the rest of my life _living._ I don't want to wake up every day a little more dead. I want to wake up and be _alive._"

The Doctor stared at her, a grin creeping up his cheeks.

"Good." he said, unable to form a complete sentence.

River laughed, "Well let's hear how you really feel, you idiot." she teased, pecking him on the cheek and straitening his bow tie.

"I really love you..." he said, "and to prove it-" he covered her eyes and guided her around the console, stopping in front of a large green button. "i meant to ask you earlier how you were feeling."

"i feel fine, dear. Now what-is-" She struggled to peak from between his fingers to no avail, finally giving up and relaxing.

He laughed and guided her hand to just above the button before letting his other hand fall away from her eyes.

"you do it." he said, simply.

River gasped.

"I get to push the randomiser? Oh, sweetie..."

She turned to him, unable to keep the smile off her face.

"You're the _best._"

Without another word. She turned and slammed her hand down on it.

The TARDIS shook and groaned for only a moment before the Doctor had taken off the brakes and turned on the stableizers.

"Take us somewhere good, old girl. Let's see what you can do."


End file.
